Going Through Separation And Divorce

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I am never sorry for myself, or my situation. Far from it.

It is just the kids. They should never have to feel those feelings. That is where the hurt comes. I feel sorry for them.
I enjoyed having both mum and dad there for me, and am ever grateful to be raised like that.
I am not saying my kids are not happy, they are, very happy. And doing great in school. Healthy as. But I know, deep down inside, what they wished they could have back.

Keep positive and just hold some AU in your hands. Makes everything a bit better.

:D :D :D
 
Probably had the toughest day of my life, moving all my stuff from from the house of a woman and her kids that I love more than anything in the world. At 46 good old mum and dad were there to help load everything up and are bombarded with trying to store all my stuff. I am blessed with fantastic parents who have been my rock during these tough times. If anyone reaches out to you with depression do your best to help, even if you don't understand it or think how's he got depression I've had it tougher than him. That's what I used to think when a mate had it but now I am living it it's tough, it's real!!
 
More Leadshot said:
Probably had the toughest day of my life, moving all my stuff from from the house of a woman and her kids that I love more than anything in the world. At 46 good old mum and dad were there to help load everything up and are bombarded with trying to store all my stuff. I am blessed with fantastic parents who have been my rock during these tough times. If anyone reaches out to you with depression do your best to help, even if you don't understand it or think how's he got depression I've had it tougher than him. That's what I used to think when a mate had it but now I am living it it's tough, it's real!!
Click to expand...
Hey Jamie,been great connecting with you via PM.If you ever need to chat send me a PM and we can chat about all things Cootamundra.Where would we be without our parents?
Greg.
 
A bit of an update for me.

It has been a few months now, and while the pain is still real, and the memory of that moment won't leave, I do have good news. And I think it is important that we share how we feel, and also the good news stories that can come about.

My two adult sons go to Bali each year before uni. This year, given what had happened, and seeing I was glum and tired they invited me along.

Long story short, I had an amazing time with the lads... but the kicker, and what I feel really helped me was meeting a lady who was also there on holidays. We kicked along, shared stories, and to me, this was an amazing fast forward button.

It was a great holiday romance - for me - it worked. Forgot my problems. Now I have been back for a couple of weeks, her and I still chat - but she lives in the US. We are both adults, we know what we had....

I have heard so many times "rebound", don't date. blah blah blah - you know what. Do what feels right. Be open, be honest and open to whatever comes along.

I have a renewed sense of life. I have changed my diet - totally want donuts right now. Getting some exercise in - just doing laps around the block, and basic stuff at home, and really having a positive mind set.

I have heard sweet FA from the ex, the kids and I text - and that is probably the hardest bit about being a step dad - no real rights. But I keep the lines open with the kids.

Life goes on, and we only get one.

To end this, I was chatting with a guy who summed this up for me... He asked me my Definition of hell at the end of my time. I didn't really have an answer, but what he told me gave me goosebumps.
Imagine you are forced to look into a mirror - and in that mirror you see yourself - and you get to watch your life all over - but this time, you get to watch what you COULD HAVE done, not what you actually did do.

That snapped me - I don't think I would want to watch too much of my life prior to that moment, and I am committed to making sure that the mirror, if I am forced to watch it at the end of time has nothing I regret not doing from that moment forward.

So, there is a silver lining for all of us - just got to find it - don't force it - just let it happen - put it out there to the universe what you want, and take steps toward it.

All the best fellas
 
I've read all the above posts since the beginning of the thread.
I've sympathized with some of you and should have with some others.
Now it's my turn to get a kick in the gut. I've just had my life turned to sh*t.
A couple of days ago, I picked up my partner of 20+ years from her work as usual.
We arrived home, all seemed normal, she jumped into the shower.
A short time later, she walks up to me and says she's ending our relationship.
I love you but .......... A bolt out of the blue. No warning.
We hadn't been arguing or fighting and I thought all was fine with us. We had even been making a few future plans.
I know she has been stressed out with her work. Both of her parents live overseas are very unwell at the moment. I have been very sympathetic to her problems.
Lately she has been spending all her free time texting and chatting on Facebook. I believe with her family members.
The day after her bombshell dropped I asked her to talk with me. She was reluctant to even talk to me at first.
She told me she now wants to get out and enjoy the rest of her life. She wants to travel the world. AND there is no room in her life for me.
Then she hit me with a whole heap of stuff that has happened in her life that I was unaware of. Foe example, many years ago she'd had an abortion to placate her then partner's family. She loves kids but had always told me she didn't want any of her own. Now she says she regrets not having any.
I should say at this point, my partner turns 51 this year and I turn 66. While we have no children together, I have 4 grown up kids from a previous marriage.
My mother passed away a few years ago and my father suffers from dementia and lives in a retirement home - I visit with him most days.
My partner only recently returned from a 2 week visit with her family. She confessed that a chap sitting near her on the plane had given her his phone number. She stated that she thew it in the bin. She also confessed she has been chatting regularly with a former school mate. He is married and lives near her family overseas. (but we're only friends)
I feel totally wrecked at the moment. Devastated. 20 years gone in a flash as if it all meant nothing.
My life has been turned upside down. I haven't slept the last 2 nights and I've eaten very little. My head is a mess of confused thoughts. I don't know what to do.
At 66yo how does one restart a life. I have no family nearby and while I have a few friends, none are what I would call real close friends.
We don't own a house, we rent a unit. While she works full time, I am on a service pension and the 2 income streams had given us some measure of financial freedom. But now, how I can I afford to find my own place? Rental properties are expensive. Why does life seem to knock you down just when you believe that your life is great?
 
Mate i'm really sorry to hear that! :(

Its very tough, but its never the end. Life hits hard sometimes but it builds you into a better person.
66 years young, there is always a lot more ahead to look forward to, just take that next step.

I hope we have other members in Wollongong who can talk to you and maybe help you out.

Keep you head up mate! Keep moving forward, 1 step at a time! Don't be afraid to reach out to your kids.
 
Dave!...I am devastated for you.I am so sorry for you mate.Things like this should not happen to such deserving people has your self.Whilst I can barely imagine how you must feel, just know that Robyn and myself are here for you.As you may know I will not be here for a few days due to the Hillend trip. But Robyn will be.Ring her... if you need some company and someone to talk it over with...Robyn has had a career in counseling over the last 30 years or so. She has heard it all my friend, so if you need someone to talk through this with...don't hesitate to call her. :Y:
It is in these times of bewilderment and soul -searching that we are at our most vulnerable mate.
It well may be the end of a chapter in your life...but life is book of many chapters my friend.Ring Robyn. :Y: :rainbow: :rainbow:
 
Thanks friends for your support.
I need time to get my head around what has happened.
I posted above to help me sort myself out a bit.
I am not one to keep things in, and my big mouth runs away with me sometimes ..... as my new friend reefer can testify.
Maybe not keeping things in is why I never went down the PTSD road that many of my old navy mates did.
(And sadly some of them took the ultimate way out.)
What a great bunch of people you find lurking among these pages. :Y: :Y: :Y:
Thanks again everyone for your support.
Cheers,
Dave.
 
Keep on keeping on with your Dad mate, and your kids too... we can only ever be assured that that which we think and do ourselves is known to us fully... all else is what it is within those circumstances generated. Somethings are there for a time, then the future washes over them little by little... some things hold fast while others dim in the distance, yet through it all we remain... changed as will be, along the road ,... many of us can vouch already that new roads hold yet many exciting paths through emotional titillation that will have all your present anxieties eased in ways yet unknown to you. Hold fast and be full of courage for many have trod your road ahead and emerged anew upon the path of life relieved of present suffering.
8) :rainbow: ;) ;)
 
It's an epidemic for sure....

Dave, really sorry to hear your story there mate.

You got it right by getting your words out there, and who'd of thought this site would be the amazingly best place to do that. Better out than in 100%.

You've read the comments from others, and you are in the worst spot right now, but you sound like the type of guy that will come through this, scarred for sure, but happy to have had the good time you had.

Then the time comes for your own future planning. There will be options and choices, make sure you look for and accept them when they pop up.

All the best, and keep us posted on how your doing, good or bad..
 
Hi jwal,
Thanks for that.
This sort of thing hurts you in so many ways.
The pains are a mix of mental, physical and emotional.
I'll blunder my way through. I'm a talker. It's always been my way of clearing the head of bad thoughts and feelings.
But crikey ................ so many kind and thoughtful people on the pages. It makes it easier to know that others care.
Cheers, thanks again.
Dave.
 
Geez Dave so sorry to hear life's turned upside down for you and out of the blue like that.
All you can do is take one day at a time...
and yes there are loads of people here that care about you and your welfare, even if we haven't met you personally.
I reckon you're a damn funny character (who hates spiders).
Hang in there. :)
Pot
 
Keep head up Dave, heaps on here to lend and ear/shoulder including myself. Went from owning 2 thirds of a house in six years, Landcruizer wagon. To living in tent (My choice to live in tent to get ahead again) and driving dad's old 2002 ford courier that I crashed (limping it around trying to get parts for it). My fault, I called a 15yr relationship off (Still don't regret calling it off, it was a convenience thing) and got with another woman that lasted 18 months. It had it's ups and downs, than she told me she loves me but she isn't in love with me anymore. So now single for about 4 months (and happy to admit i have depression) and every day is as tough as the next. Night time is the hardest, a sooky kind of bloke that loved cuddles and being loved. Pretty private guy so use mum and dad as my rock.
Cheers Jamie Roberts
 

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