Going Through Separation And Divorce

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Hey Jwal. I've been there as well. It does take a while to get over mate. My X and I split in 2000. I still think about why it happened even now.
Yes it is hard. I can remember I had $2.00 to my name at one stage, no bed and just my swag and an old van to sleep in.
If you need to talk PM me. Seriously !

Take care :Y:
 
Feel for you mate. Happened to my best mate the day before Christmas. Same deal everyone that knows them was stunned to say the least. Just spent the weekend with him refurnishing his house with basic furniture . He has been lost for a few weeks but now is feeling that lifes moving forward a bit now. I cant imagine how you feel as Ive tried with me mate but I just cant. Received a letter off him yesterday thanking me for everything Ive done to help him. Shit brought a tear to my eye. Ive done nothing but listen , but sometimes thats whats needed I geuss. 8.(
 
Oh that burning fire of that other spring.
is now but ashes, and the hurt wont heal
time heals all wounds they say but leaves a scare, I think I'll not go back to...Camooweal

Very true words from "Slim Dusty "

Time , lots of time, can heal the wounds, but the scares remain, and, as difficult as it may seem, you have to learn to live with those scares

Your wounds are still raw, keep your friends around you, don't "go bush" too much on your own, keep talking to your friends, let it all hang out, crying isn't a sign of weakness, it's an emotion that needs to be let out.
My journey has taken me 35 years after she put a loaded.303 rifle in her mouth in the back yard and pulled the trigger, while I was sitting in the lounge room.
Yes the wounds have healed, but, the scares bring a terrible reminder every now and then.

PM me if you'd like to have a chat
cheers Keith
 
Hi BW

It might seem atrocious and challenging but I think you came out of it really really well.

Amicable split is better than an ex that fights and objects to everything and drags it through the courts for 7 years , blowing $800,000 on lawyers for nothing more thank rank insane bitchiness.

You have access to the kids without the ex playing head games and turning them against you , or worse , manipulating their minds for 10 years until she can make them accuse you of abusing them.

I went through years of hell , I didnt let any women touch me for 5 years after my split because of the pain I went through but looking back I wish I got over it sooner because that was 5 years of pretty girls I missed out on , now I am getting on a bit I think of some of the absolute hottie gorgeous honey bun girls I walked away from and I really really wish I had **** them !

I know it hurts but I think you managed it well and got off lightly .

Keep your head up high and look for good things to fill your life with .
 
Hi guys,
Ill give you all a bit of an update on how I am travelling and what's going on. I hear your pain jwal, I know exactly what you are going thru as I totally got sideswiped and didn't see it coming either. I also got the brick wall, and she didn't want to talk to me about anything!
The separation occurred 10 months ago, I was in a very bad place for a long time and to be truthful I'm not thru it yet. As I stated in my original post, I have been dating someone else for a few months now. Whilst this is going very well, I think I got lucky because I probably wasn't in the right headspace to begin a new relationship so soon. I've had one or two meltdowns in the last few months, but I understand this is part of the process. I've kind of hidden the meltdowns from the new partner, and I feel I'm doing her a disservice by not being totally truthful about my mental state. The meltdowns are becoming more infrequent and don't last long, so maybe there isn't any point in telling her as it doesn't have anything to do with us.
My wife (soon to be x) has really turned on me lately and is becoming unbearable. My kids have met my new partner and her kids, and they all get along incredibly well. My kids love my new partner, and they always talk about her and ask when we can see her next. I also know that they will be going home back to their mum and talking about her. I'm tipping this is why the x has turned on me so much.
Our settlement has been completed and signed off at court. I got away with murder apparently. It cost me only a few hundred dollars to finalise things. She didn't take me to the cleaners, left my super alone and even paid me out on the house. She kept the house and the mortgage that goes with it.
I have my kids one night a week and every third weekend, and any other nights during the week that we agree on. The kids appear to be doing quite well considering what has happened.
The young **** she had the affair with wants nothing to do with her from what I've heard, but I cant concern myself with that anymore. I've hear whispers that she's rooting one of her x's, but once again I cant concern myself with that. I don't go driving past her house to snoop, infact I avoid going anywhere near there at all.
Child support is an evil necessity, and she now tells me she wants it to go thru the child support agency rather than me paying her direct. I guess that makes life easier for me as I don't need to remember to pay her each fortnight.
Things are getting easier for me, I'm not totally absorbed by it like I used to be. I'm not thru it yet, and there's a bit of a long road to still travel, but I'm confident ill get thru it ok.
Jwal - I know how hard it is to move out on your own when your not used to it. But try to enjoy it as much as you can for now. Enjoy the freedom. Take a deep breath, relax and take it day by day. You don't need to plan anything. Just take life for what it currently is. Just remember that sometimes that bad things that happen in life put us directly onto that path to the best things that will ever happen to us.
Don't hesitate to shoot me a PM mate if you need anything, I know what you are going thru!
 
Thanks Boyd - stories are very similar, but up to a point.

Your words are very accurate though, and I thank you for putting this out there - feeling like you are not going through it alone is the best - and yes, that stalking part, driving by etc is VERY much not healthy. Also what you said about no concerning yourself about who she is and is not sleeping with is a big win for you - not your concern, or problem as it turns out. So long as your kids are safe and happy, and so long as you are happy and moving on with your new partner - give her your focus.

You know what they say about the grass being greener on the other side? Well, they are wrong - it is greener where you water it!! :)

Time is our enemy and friend in these situations - can't speed it up or slow it down - but the time will always come. Shorter for some a little longer for others.

Thanks for the contact offer, just reading this was a big help. There are three guys from this site who have been amazing, and they too have opened up about their own private lives.

On an up!!

Now to find the biggest nugget ever.. :)
 
I'm glad I was never the jealous stalker type.... my ex went into prostitution (an obvious forte of hers ).... woulda sent me crazy just trying to keep up with them all.
There are times in life when you can just sit back and smile not even giving a f*** hey !
:Y: :lol: :Y:
 
I just spend the last 1/2 hour reading this whole thread I started a few months ago. The messages of support and advice is incredible. From the bottom of my heart I sincerely thank every one of you! Yes it's a tough road but yes I'm going to be okay and get thru it. I'm not there yet, but I'm well on the way.
I know that compared to other forum members in particular the 'let's talk' experiences, I'm not doing to badly. I have my health, fitness, hobbies and a new flourishing relationship. But for me this is the toughest time of my life.
I have come a long way in the last 10 or 11 months, so if anyone is just starting to go thru what I have experienced, I'm only a pm away!
 
BoydWilliam said:
Hi guys,

...Child support is an evil necessity, and she now tells me she wants it to go thru the child support agency rather than me paying her direct. I guess that makes life easier for me as I don't need to remember to pay her each fortnight...
Click to expand...

If you are paying your ex privately every transfer should be labelled as "child support" or something similar to show it is for the children otherwise CSA will back date payments three months if you can't prove the payment was for the agreement. They won't give a stuff and will always maximise the payment to the receiving party and you'll have a lump sum debt.

Jon
 
Hi
I'm in the same situation. Met her when I was 18. We were together 20 years. Then one Christmas she tells me the old line. " I love you but I'm not in love with you" and left. Breaking my heart and family. I have two little girls. It's ripped my heart out and smashed it. It is soul destroying and leaves you pretty much suicidal. I was driving around with a rope in the car tied in a noose. Broken in every way possible. You blame yourself. You replay key moments in your relationships and say to yourself I could have been better. Remember you are not the one that left or cheated.
It's something you can not imagine until it happens to you. It's been 2 years for me and I will say this you never forget it but it does get better and you have to keep going and the pain will ease. If anyone needs to talk I am happy to lend an ear. I have been there and just talking can help. Seek help if you need to. Seeking help doesn't make you weak it makes you human and builds the strength you need to heal. It helped me to journal and write down how I was going. From the darkest times to your painful dreams and after a week then a month then a year read your thoughts and you will see you are moving on slowly but you are healing. If you need to cry that ok. You need to lock your door and hibernate that's ok. There's no right or wrong. Just do what you need to feel at ease. Be wary of drugs and alcohol they might help in the short term but they will not end well. PM me if you would like someone to talk to. Loneliness and isolation are hard to deal with. Heartbreak is terrible but it changes us for the better. You don't things for granted and are thankful for someone who cares. Remember PM me if you need an ear I understand. May you all feel better soon!
 
3 years later, it gets no better.

Nothing good about breaking up families for selfish acts or reasons.
If there were no children involved, we wouldn't care. We would of moved on.
BUT THESE ARE CHILDREN>> FAMILY
MUM AND DAD 8.( 8.(

I will never understand how they could do these things. Back when I was younger, you heard of the man doing that, not the women.
Good old facebook. pffffff

I don't know who I hated more, her for doing what she did, or the men who throw themselves at these women just because they are beautiful, without regards for status or if children are involved. It takes 2 to tango. But its still all messed up.

That is why I find it hard to trust anyone these days.

Sorry if I upset anyone.

And I am really sorry for anyone on here who has experience disloyalty.
 
Take my hat off to PA and this thread, been following for a while because of a very unsettled relationship myself. Don't want to go into details with mine but I am glad I read DCSFINDERS post because I also received an I love you but I am not in love with you. My reaction was WTF...... I ended up into the deepest of depression you could imagine. Now the relationship is over for good I am climbing my way out, never realized someone you loved so much was the root cause of my depression. Lucky no kids between us.
 
It does get better , its been 3 months living on own for me , and gone through all those emotions everyone has mentioned , but does get a bit better day by day . I too feel for the kids and cant understand how a woman can ruin a family , just like that .

We should start an embittered prospecting mens club ! Ha ha

Keep chin up men !

Pm me if ya need anything , Ill do whatever I can .

Regards

Gunter
 
Not trying to make a mockery of the topic but a couple of good mates are way better than a wife that hates you.

If you can get a clean break without it getting nasty and loosing 75% of everything i have to say you blokes have won the lottery , you just need to find your new life and get busy living it and hopefully one day you can look back and see that the devorce was a possitive.

Good luck :Y: keep your chin up and keep talking to us dont let the misery build up. :D remember your been set free :)
 
aussiefarmer said:
Not trying to make a mockery of the topic but a couple of good mates are way better than a wife that hates you.

If you can get a clean break without it getting nasty and loosing 75% of everything i have to say you blokes have won the lottery , you just need to find your new life and get busy living it and hopefully one day you can look back and see that the devorce was a possitive.

Good luck :Y: keep your chin up and keep talking to us dont let the misery build up. :D remember your been set free :)
Click to expand...

Good common sense approach AF :Y: I haven't and don't want to experience this in life and can only be there for my mates that have.
 

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