Your favourite quotes and sayings.

[casper]

in memory of my Dad...

"be good! if you can't be good be sure to be good at it"

and on the same theme...

"'tis better to be hung for a lamb than a sheep"

casper

 

[kemjak57]

If I don't see ya through the week, I'll see ya through the window.
He was that skinny that a good #&%@ and a green apple would kill him.
When it comes to being thirsty,,,I'm as dry as an Arabs sand shoe.

 

[casper]

I'm going to live forever - so far so good!

casper

 

[kemjak57]

I'm always in the shit, it's just the depth that varies.

 

[Decado]

The current world population is in the order of 6 billion people
Scientist estimate that in the order of 6 billion humans have lived and died from the development of the species until current
There for ... only half of the people that have lived have thus far have actually died
Statistically speaking your chance of dying is only 50%

Simple. Just resolve to be one of the 50% that don't die

A Dec original

 

[Ramjet]

The current world population is in the order of 6 billion people
Scientist estimate that in the order of 6 billion humans have lived and died from the development of the species until current
There for ... only half of the people that have lived have thus far have actually died
Statistically speaking your chance of dying is only 50%

Simple. Just resolve to be one of the 50% that don't die

A Dec original

Awesome

 

[Decado]

One from Dad who has survived 3 tours of active duty in a war theater.

"Never duck when you should weave"

 

[Ramjet]

I hate it when the voices in my head go silent.
I never know what those F@#$ers are planning.

 

[loamer]

Heckler to Gough Whitlam, when he was PM - "Tell us about abortion Gough!!!!" "Go-one - tell us" "TELL US!!"

Whitlam to heckler "In your case, it should be made retrospective."

 

[Marked]

"The sun's not yellow - it's chicken..." Bob Dylan, Tombstone Blues.

Can't complain - nobody will listen.

 

[loamer]

An oldie you can use:

My Ex-mother-in-law: "you're drunk"
Me; "yes, but you're fxxxxg ugly and I will be sober in the morning".

Thankyou Winston Churchill.

 

[Decado]

"They couldn't hit an elephant at this distance!"

General John Sedgwick

Sedgwick was a Union Civil War general who was hit by sniper fire a few minutes after saying these, at the battle of Spotsylvania, on May 9, 1864.

 

[Dal]

Some people say I'm indecisive! Maybe I am, Maybe I'm not?

To Wingers - Life ain't fair! The sooner you get used to it the happier you'll be ; Think of it this way, In 100 years who's gonna give s**t!

About people who talk a lot - An empty drum makes most sound.


"I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food."

"If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it."

"No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree"

"Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there's nothing exactly like it"

WC Fields.

 

[Decado]

"I once went to New Zealand, but it was closed"

W.C. Fields

 

[DrDuck]

Sure as there's shit in a cat

My old dad used to say these ones:

Foul as a fart in a bath

Flash as a rat with a gold tooth

Did a rat run up your arse and die?

 

[Wintersnake]

My wifes favourite

Call me old fashioned but I believe your skirt needs to be longer than your vagina.

 

[Heatho]

"Make pain your friend".

"Goes like a shower of Sh^%".

"Head like a smashed crab".

"I'm perfect, it's you who needs to adjust".

"FUBAR".

 

[HeadsUp]

uglier than a bucket full of bums

 

[Dal]

He's so unlucky if he fell into box of tits he'd come up sucking his thumb!

 

[Billy]

To alcohol!! The cause of - and soloution to - all of life's problems.
Homer Simpson