Funny if it happened to someone else

Dad joke warning !.............they seem to target the scrotum, thats why they call them Ball Ants :awful: layful:

Frankdonovan121 said:

I was working on the roads somewhere inland and someone made a shop run for lunch which netted me a pie + sauce + can of coke, drank half the can and left it in the shade while I talked with some fellow workers, came back to the can and shortly after upending the can into my mouth I felt an odd mass hit the roof of my mouth followed by some pain, spat everything out pretty quickly but the bee had done its work well. Took me a little while of scratching with a finger way back in my mouth to dislodge the stinger and in the end my mouth/throat swelled a fair bit and the taste of bee bum was gross.

Glad I am not allergic.

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FrankD, you are a very lucky person, very lucky.

We carry those cheap clear plastic disposable cups when out on picnics or BBQ's, you can see what is in your drinks.
We wash and reuse the cups, but really important for kids sugary drinks when outdoors.

I was hunting bunnies at a place that was also known for dirt bike riding.
Being so far away from general riding area's I was not concerned for dirt bikes coming around
while I waited for bunnies to come into view.

Squatted low under a bush and waited.

About 10 minutes later I felt bites on the inside of both legs, my t-shirt and inside my jocks !
Intense pain !

Jumping up I tossed the .22 to the side, stripped completely naked and proceeded to brush dozens of bull ants off
of my body with my hands as fast as possible, and at the same time jumping up and down on my clothes !

The three dirt bikes that turned up to watch this mad man in the scrub, were the least of my concern !!

I searched my jocks and jeans for about 5 minutes before putting them on again.

Ant hills and torture - I now know why first hand.

:lol:

These yarns would make a great movie. this is better than the joke section

madtuna said:

I remember a couple of years ago sitting under a tree having a lunch break, when something got up my shorts leg.
I could feel it crawling away and hurriedly got up and dropped my shorts trying to find what ever it was when it nailed me right next to the O-ring.

Still not sure if it was an ant or whatever but it hurt like hell for a good two weeks and I looked like I had a Baboons bum. Had to hose my pooter and wipe it with cotton wool balls for the first week at toilet paper killed!

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Steve I have tears running down my face from laughing so hard at this.

RM Outback said:

Climbed through a fence that had slack wires but I had a hot one (electric fence wire) around waist height. So me being smart and taking a short cut climbed through under the hot wire only to catch the bottom wire with the cuff of my strides all the while taking up the slack. The wire dislodged with full strain hitting me smack in the crown jewels with the instant pain I took a deep breath and my head went as red as a tomato while at the same time I arched my back attempting to contort the pain and then I felt the wack from the electrified wire burning my shoulder. No kidding I was rolling around for a while wishing the pain away and trying to calm my breathing once I got that under control I gingerly made my way to the car and drove up to the house and went straight to the fridge and drank it dry :beer:

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RM outback your story reminded me of an event that happened to me when I was younger.

I was on a friends cattle farm in Albany and I was in desperate need of a leak. Being the young guy I was I decided that a patch of bracken ferns looked like a great spot to relieve myself. Well midway through going about my business I got an almighty surprise that dropped me on spot. It was like I had been hit in the balls with a cricket bat 10 times over. Yes I had found the electric fence that I had failed to see in my rush to go for a leak. My poor family jewels where black and blue for days later.

I remember reading a story (many years ago) about a deep sea diver , working for the navy , put a warm water discharge hose into his wetsuit to help keep warm ... but the inlet had sucked up some jellyfish . 8.(

Hopefully in the sane vein as the aforementioned stories.

Brother and I were working with a plumber on a reno and as the property was super old it was unclear where the underground power line from the shed and the house was exactly placed and at what depth.

Digging a new stormwater pipe drain in close proximity the plumber advised go easy and be safe. It was warm so I just stepped away to grab a cold water and turned to see my brother shaking violently crowbar in hand letting out a stunted scream.

The plumber swung into action lifting his shovel up and cross batting my brother across the shoulders to knock him clear. As the shovel hit him he started shrieking and writhing on the ground. As I rushed over fearing the worst he yells out " Ive got a f@rking wasp in my pants"

I doubled over in laughter joined by the plumber in unison as we watched him get his strides off in sheer panic. The shovel blow on top of the wasp bites left him in a pretty sorry state laying dirtied up half naked on the ground in clear pain.

Easily one of the funniest things I ever did witness. :lol:

Amusing to see a grown man attacked by a wasp, but unnecessarily hit with a shovel by someone trying to help makes it even better :lol:

You guy's are just to funny. :lol: :lol: :lol:

Goody

You're absolutely right I have to agree, it is funny that it happened to someone else ? I hate those bitey mongrels.

shakergt said:

RM Outback said:

Climbed through a fence that had slack wires but I had a hot one (electric fence wire) around waist height. So me being smart and taking a short cut climbed through under the hot wire only to catch the bottom wire with the cuff of my strides all the while taking up the slack. The wire dislodged with full strain hitting me smack in the crown jewels with the instant pain I took a deep breath and my head went as red as a tomato while at the same time I arched my back attempting to contort the pain and then I felt the wack from the electrified wire burning my shoulder. No kidding I was rolling around for a while wishing the pain away and trying to calm my breathing once I got that under control I gingerly made my way to the car and drove up to the house and went straight to the fridge and drank it dry :beer:

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RM outback your story reminded me of an event that happened to me when I was younger.

I was on a friends cattle farm in Albany and I was in desperate need of a leak. Being the young guy I was I decided that a patch of bracken ferns looked like a great spot to relieve myself. Well midway through going about my business I got an almighty surprise that dropped me on spot. It was like I had been hit in the balls with a cricket bat 10 times over. Yes I had found the electric fence that I had failed to see in my rush to go for a leak. My poor family jewels where black and blue for days later.

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Many years ago 2 mates and I were following a local creek and tossing lures for bass.
Our journey along the bank of the creek included gingerly stepping between strands of electrified wire fencing.
We'd walked for "miles" when it was decided to head back because it was starting to get dark.
Trundling along in the pitch dark (overcast and no moon), a mate decided to stop for a quick pee.
A blood curdling scream and we realized he had watered on an electric fence.
He claimed later that the electric shock caused the muscles in his hand to contract almost popping the end off his .........
Note: Same fella months later, was crossing a railway bridge over a creek, when a train came around the bend toward him.
He jumped off the bridge with all his fishing gear, landing in shallow water and breaking a leg.
Not the luckiest fishing mate I've ever had.

When I was a kid I used to make my pocket money trapping rabbits, big money @ 5/- a pair. Used to have about 20 traps to set out and go around every night and early in the morning so you earned the money. Anyway there was 1 day a school mate came with me to do the morning run and we'd hit the jackpot, 2 bunnies within about 20 feet of each other, what we didn't realize when we said we got a bunny, we were each looking at a different bunny. I got mine out and dispatched it pretty quick then proceded to pull the trap, bugga, blasted pin is stuck, must have gone through a tree root, so I'm pulling and tugging at this blasted trap and finished up stradling it a bit in my endeavors to get the pin out of the ground when it decided to give up, very very quickly, I just didn't get to 1 side of the rising trap very very quickly.
Mean while my school mate had got the other bunny out of his trap eventually, (virgin trapper) and turned around to ask me how to kill it, but instead called out WTFRU. Me, I was in the fetal position, on the ground, behind a log, trying to breathe, and jambing my fingers into my ears for obvious reasons.
I can laugh about it now, but geeze, it certainly didn't tickle at the time

Hate paper wasps and hornets - been done a few times over the years and the target they leave is a visual you do not forget, That sharp red dot in the middle of a white circle. And mowing the lawn in dick togs is not good insurance nor great for the family jewels. GF at the time thought it was funny and offered to kiss it better; but I was in no mood.

One time up north qld with some of the local mob, we went bush one evening (had a few long necks b4 hand) chasing some bush tucker. Ended up having a bloody big nest of green tree ants get dislodged and copped them on my shoulder. Buggers were out in full force and full on fight mode, I made the mistake of slapping and running around like a jumping jack flash and ended up in a big Wait Awhile Vine. Needless to say it was dammed if you moved and dammed if ya stayed still. Worse thing was the boys with me just rolled around laughing and calling me all sorts of names. Did not understand the local lingo but knew dammed well it was all directed at me.

Cuts and scratches and bites all over me and one very pissed off puppy. Only good thing was a couple of the older women made me a good strong black tea with the old condensed milk AND then come up with some stinky goo for the bites etc. No clue what it was, but it helped dull the pain. Like many things, thankfully I was not allergic or things could have been bad as we were well out of town and no medical services.

Love my bush tucker but always been a tad more careful b4 barging in after that. Then again that was 30 odd years ago, just get tucker from the local shops or garden these days.