Emotional Highjackers & Other Oxygen Thieves

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The great thing about forums that cost nothing to join and also have a great diversity of members, is that you have so much information readily available at your fingertips from all kinds of people.

Take this forum for example. After many years of being a forum member of other forums for both Aquaponics & Philately, Ive found similar patterns occurring in all three.

Firstly, theres the member (such as myself), who at some point in time got into a new hobby after acquiring an interest in a particular area. Invariably, said newbie goes tentatively into the forum, introduces themselves (sometimes quite clumsily as were not all wordsmiths or social butterflies) often with an accompanying dread of rejection, ridicule, or just being thought of as plain stupid. I must admit that when I first came onto PA I felt like a dork, having already gone down to the local park to turn on my new toy and finding that it made shocking loud noises as I placed it on the bonnet of the Ford, turned it on and the coil moved around on the bonnet as I pulled the control box up close to my eyes to try to make out what the screen said in the sunlight. Seriously? You can actually hear gold with these things in amongst that racket????

I was soon put at ease though by the understanding, patient, and considerate members of the forum, who seemingly granted me a pardon with my so obvious assumption that I was next in line for the Big Nugget find. Then, as things progressed I searched and found (and sometimes even received replies to my own obviously newbie questions) earlier posts where people such as Nenad, SteelPat, Loamer, Madtuna, Goldierocks et al, took the time to invest in my education regarding some aspect of metal detecting.

Like PA, the other forums also followed a similar pattern whereby there were different threads dedicated to other topics too. Comedy/jokes, What Cheeses me Off, What made me Smile, Best Stamp find, Most successful Fish/Veggie in youre Aquaponics system, Buy/Sell, etc., etc.,.. In each of these areas you may come across a professional/expert in their field- Scientist, Aquaculture Expert, Marine Biologist, Botanist, or with Philately an expert valuer, Certifier, Author, or a Specialist member of The Royal Philatelic Society of Victoria or London etc.

Unfortunately, by being free for anyone to join though, it seems that this model also attracts a different type of member- The Emotional Highjacker. Perhaps someone who cant afford the professional therapy that their condition so obviously requires.

It goes something like this- Wow guys, check out this great find I just got in a bulk buy from an auction in France. I was sorting through everyday used stuff from the last 70 years from all over Europe, when I came across an old manila folder with a full sheet of Mint Third Reich era Heidrich Death Mask Stamps! Does anyone who collects these have any idea of their value?

Suddenly Mr I collect stamps with Trains on Them pounces- Theyre Nazi era stamps!! My girlfriends best friends aunty worked with a person who lived next door to Jewish People!! Do you know how hurtful it is when people collect those stamps?!!

Now, this could elicit a number of responses from the original poster who had the misfortune to find a very valuable war era sheet of German stamps. It could be Oh Im so, so sorry for your girlfriends, best friends, auntys workmates neighbours extended familys loss! Thats terrible and Im sorry I was so insensitive. Or the response from said original poster may be- Youre not serious are you mate?

At this point if response number two was chosen, Mr I collect Stamps with Trains on Them would feed off this oxygen, and the thread would erupt into comment (read, HIS opinion) of every Moral outrage committed by Man. If by chance Mr I collect Stamps with Trains on Them did his lolly and got abusive, or just kept banging on, the Mods would give him a serve, often with his apologetic reply following shortly after explaining that his mothers tumor had just exploded or his dog died etc., and so this is what really caused it all. All is forgiven- Until next time..

The Aquaponics forum could easily go the same way, as some member posts I saw a paper in the US found the most successful fish in a sustainable Aquaponics system is Talapia.

On comes Fish Died for our Sins "Talapia are a noxious pest in Australia!! No way should you be keeping them here --THEY ARE ILLEGAL!!!!!"
Original Poster- Oh I dont keep them, just saying
Fish Died for our Sins- But WHY would you EVEN mention them then????
And on and on it goes

I get why some things hit some peoples buttons. I remember as a kid even with my own Father.
We stopped in Las Palmas in Spain on our way to Australia. My parents decided to send a postcard to an aunt back in England, and everything is going well until we buy a stamp from the Post Office and stick it on the card, and then the ol man realizes it has a picture of Franco on it. He detonates, gives us a dockside lecture on the history of Dictators, and the atrocities theyve carried out. Um, ok dad. Now where are the Canaries? Canaries!! Bleeding Canaries?!! Good men died so you could see Canaries!!! Nothing quite compares to the indignant Cockney accent (Think Monty Pythons- What Id give to be Spat at by the Jailer!! You Lucky, Luuuucky Bastard!!) - Lucky for the world Dad didnt belong to the Stamp forum then, as some unfortunate came on with a query about Spanish stamps and the bloke on the front of them..

Any one of these forums would also have a lighter side where people conducted themselves less formerly, and indeed even the mods themselves would often join in and let their hair down. This was the hunting ground of the Emotional Highjacking Oxygen Thief. Here, unfettered by formal speak and the sometimes relaxing of forum rules, he could ply his trade if any unsuspecting forum member slipped up. Any off the cuff remark, attempted wittisism or poor choice of words, and the EHOT would pounce, Indignation raging and demanding answers for the affront (or a lot of Sympathy may suffice).

Personally I think so long as a comment is not obviously directed at you, to bully, intimidate, ridicule, harass etc., then why go there? If youre offended then I think its very much a case of What you find, is what you bring.

And Remember- Try hard not to Offend, Try even Harder Not to Be Offended

(Remember!!!??? But what if you cant Remember Huh??? My Mother has Alzheimers and thats a terrible thing to say Deepseeker!!.) Yawn :zzz:
 
Everything is an experience gained through our very natural senses, and it is all done through triggers; whether that trigger is light entering our eyes, sound waves over our ear drums or some other form of bio chemical response to stimuli. The reason I pointed that out is every post on this forum is a trigger in some form that is responded to if some personal conditions are met and so can be fairly seen as valid even if it is not warranted.
 
Good post DeepSeeker , now whats the name of that philately forum as Ive just inherited a large collection of stamps and fdcs and not sure what to do with them . Might need to get in touch with
i collect train stamps guy and others . Not sure if hes real but you made it sound so convincing . :cool:
Cheers Booney
 
Philately - seriously had to look that up. Don't believe it has ever passed the ear canals.

"Philately is the study of stamps and postal history and other related items."

I am lucky enough to have been helped many times across a few gold/detecting forums and try to do the same where I actually think my basic knowledge may be of some assistance.

You're right Deepseeker, if a member is not helping someone, sharing some knowledge, enlightening others about current events or at least imparting some humour amongst the gathering...what is their reason for being here?

Peace :beer:
 
Thanks everyone, including Ded Driver and Madtuna. I know that's about as good a response as I'll ever get out of you two irreverent bastards :lol:

And thanks for the Sticky Tathradj :Y:

MOD EDIT

More than welcome. :Y: :Y:
This is just a small example what
we have to weigh up all the time.

Is the person having a bad day. ?
Has the person caused issues before. ?
What the heck are they talking about. ?
Is there any malice intended. ?
Why is the person being so negative. ?
Delete key is usually the first goto.
Second is a warning.
Third and not wanted is the dreaded Ban process.
(I hate that but warranted when needed. )
Makes it 10 times worse when you know the person personally. :awful:
Tuna and Ded combo, ? tragic. {)
 
Deepseeker said:
Thanks everyone, including Ded Driver and Madtuna. I know that's about as good a response as I'll ever get out of you two irreverent bastards :lol:

And thanks for the Sticky Tathradj :Y:

No mate thankyou!
It's a bit of a buzz when someone lets you know something you've said has helped them or they've learnt something. Today I learnt from you. I always thought Philately was something to do with either farting or auto erotica but go figure...it's a posh word for stamp collecting! :D

I supposes half the time it probably appears I just come here to take the p!ss, and to some extent I do. Over the summer months especially, I see bugger all people for the most part, so the forum is one way I interact with fellow humans, it's my camp fire chat, my little bit of a social life.

I learn new crap most days from stuff people write on here. That's what forums are about, keeping in touch with people who enjoy the same thing you do and sharing. It's absolutely annoys the snot out of me when a new member joins and asks a question and some of the first responses are "do your own research."
Yes do your own research, but first you need to know what and where to research and that is something that often needs to be asked in a place like this. For the most part, most of the regular participating members are freely willing to help others if they can and they all deserve a pat on the back for that.

Cheers and thanks again. :Y:
 
madtuna said:
Deepseeker said:
Thanks everyone, including Ded Driver and Madtuna. I know that's about as good a response as I'll ever get out of you two irreverent bastards :lol:
And thanks for the Sticky Tathradj :Y:
No mate thankyou!
It's a bit of a buzz when someone lets you know something you've said has helped them or they've learnt something. Today I learnt from you. I always thought Philately was something to do with either farting or auto erotica but go figure...it's a posh word for stamp collecting! :D
I supposes half the time it probably appears I just come here to take the p!ss, and to some extent I do. Over the summer months especially, I see bugger all people for the most part, so the forum is one way I interact with fellow humans, it's my camp fire chat, my little bit of a social life.
I learn new crap most days from stuff people write on here. That's what forums are about, keeping in touch with people who enjoy the same thing you do and sharing. It's absolutely annoys the snot out of me when a new member joins and asks a question and some of the first responses are "do your own research."
Yes do your own research, but first you need to know what and where to research and that is something that often needs to be asked in a place like this. For the most part, most of the regular participating members are freely willing to help others if they can and they all deserve a pat on the back for that.
Cheers and thanks again. :Y:
thats touching MT ... & here I was thinking you didnt have a :heart: :lol: (except for the foal you rescued)
may Santa bring you an Ice Cube for xmas :playful:
 
Absolutely loved your post and the replies ... totally agree .. 'tis far better to give offence than to take it .. though I'm not in the habit of giving it.

This is my first time on any forum and I must say the helpful information on here is amazing! Looking forward to passing my "apprenticeship" as a newbie and being able to contribute. Cheers :)
 
Hi Deepseeker.
I'm new to this forum and just looking through posts that had many hits. Your post has me thinking you are a writer, and possibly interested in psychology. Am I correct? That's it, short and sweet.
May good fortune and a bloody big nugget come your way.
Cheers, Digger58.
 
Hi Digger58. Sorry mate, I hadn't checked back on the thread so I only just saw your question. No, I'm not a writer but thanks for the compliment.

I guess like a lot of people though I am interested in the Half-Science Psychology. I think my greatest enemy to prospecting is Ego. I find I am always struggling with the inner voice telling me to strap on a small coil and come back with some fly shite "color" just to get on the board, but I know I'll never be truly happy knowing that I have easy access to the GT and may be missing something bigger/ deeper. I always remember a trout fisherman telling me once about trying his hardest to catch a trout with no luck, no matter which fly he used. So he figured that maybe they weren't feeding so he'd try a different tact and see if he could get a territorial response with a lure, as that sometimes worked with an aggressive fish. That didn't work either, so he tied a fly on the line with another line coming from it with a small fish shaped lure on the end, so when it went through the water it looked like a little critter trying to escape from a little fish that wanted to eat it. It immediately worked he said, with the nice trout that he caught having obviously swum past the little "fish" to take the food that it thought it was trying to get. That still amazes me to this day when I think about it. It's the exact same Psychology that brings so many people undone in their life, with getting caught up with making other peoples wants their own goals. :)

We are complex, and yet simple at the same time, us hairless apes.
 

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