A Funny Thing Happened To Me On The Way To ----

Feel free to add your own funny trips or experiences while on the road :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
Grab a beer - wine or scotch sit back feet up and have a laugh (at my expense)
Ok where to start
Packed the Turtle to go to Wattle Flat last weekend 10/11/17
Kahleesi - check
Beer - check
Scotch - check
Rum - check
Fuel - check
Smokes - check
Oh and some food - check
Up in the morning ready to leave 0800 and see that my dog (milo) has a sore foot 8.( 8.(
First Indication to stay home
Had a look and it was an infected right pad - saw to that (Dr/Vet ken) he is ok now time to leave 0930
Set the nav system (touring 700hd car and 4x4) for Wattle Flat and hit the road
Second indication to go back home
For the first 10k it was telling me to do a U Turn you are going the wrong way mmmmm ok turn it off I know my way to Goulburn via Nerriga
Ok we get through Goulburn heading north to Bathurst
About 30k into the trip the nav says in 1000m turn right mmm cant remember doing that before but it is set on fastest way and it should know The road lasted about 20k then turned to dirt road ok yep still ok I can work with this
Third indication to go back home
In 500m turn right (I hate the sound of her voice)
Turned right went 100m and crossed a cattle grid now this is not looking good NEVER travelled this way before
Travelled for 15k on goat track dirt road 5 or 6 cattle grids later come over the top of a hill and saw something you only see on the cartoons a sign that I thought I was smoking from the wrong packet and seeing things NO THROUGH ROAD no road ahead only bush
Sitting there looking at this sign looking at the nav system and thinking one more time you will go out the window and I will use the Tom Tom
Check fuel tank plus 40lt spare all good
Turned around and headed back
Got back to the first dirt road and turned right travelled about 20k and that bloody voice came on in 500m turn right (god I hate that voice)
Forth indication to go back home
Turned right and traveled down this goat track for about 10k across cattle grids and god you guessed it another sign NO THROUGH ROAD I sit there looking at this sign and checking my smokes and yes you guessed it that stupid system went out the window and into the paddock I know before you say it "LITTERING" at this time I dont care its time to get the Tom Tom going
Fifth indication to go home
15 min later I am still turning the Turtle upside down looking for the Tom Tom and then it hits me like a cricket bat to the back of the head its in the Statesman back at home (gotta check these smokes again)
Sixth indication to go back home
Bugger now I had to find that other Witch (spelt with a B) again so into the grass I go thank heaven you cant throw things very far out the window so no littering as i have now got it back.
Seventh indication to go home
Sat down in the dirt to have a smoke and what do I see OIL dripping on the road from the diff and tail shaft area had a look under the Turtle and he is bleeding from the rear diff seal now this is not good
Around this time you must realise I am not in a good mood and the I dont give a shite comes to mind
Saw one run down house about 7k back apart from that only wild life (Cant even hear any Banjos) there is NOTHING but heat and dust
Witch is back on the dash and so I turned around and headed back just my luck no one will be at the house coming up to the house someone had turned up and was doing something in the barn (yes you beauty I am saved)
Eighth indication to go hame
Stopped and told him I was geographically embarrassed and was trying to get to Wattle Flat and he tells me he has never heard of that place GOD NO PLEASE NOT NOW ok how about a big town called Bathurst you heard of that "yep heard of that no worries"
Travel back down to the T intersection turn right and just follow that straight through you cant get lost (right I have heard this before)
I asked about the signs I have come across and he asked what the hell were you doing way down there that the road was gazetted back in 1960 to go through but never did
I burst into laughter by the look on his face he must have thought I was from Wolf Creek by this time I had thought of that myself
Just as i was going to pull out he informs me I have an oil leak at the rear of my veh (der - you sure) was what went through my mind but never said anything just smiled like the clown in IT and said thank you i saw that a while back
From there it was straight forward FOLLOW the signs and you will get where you are going
On arriving to Wattle Flat I had been driving for about 7 hours to do a 4 hour trip and arrived in time for dinner

:lol: have you found your way home :lol:

yes mate straight down the highway

Maaan that was so damn funny :Y: :Y: :Y:

I love when drivers start arguing with their guidance machines :lol:

Funny they have female voices and it says turn turn turn but you keep going straight and it realises you are actually going the right way it doesnt admit it was wrong :lol:

aussiefarmer said:

]Funny they have female voices

Click to expand...

Yeah I'm hearing you AF the other thing that's got me knackered is they call'em.

NavMan and Tom Tom :/ WTF.

Glad I don't use them my motto is if the mail can get there so can I.

Well!...if you a told me the finer details of calamity with that voice..I'D a said..git a Navman Mate!.. ] ] .Me 'n SHIRLEY are on good TERMS!..wink wink ,,she keeps directing me to her place!...but I am strong!..well for me size like ..
Your depiction of your experience over the weekend was both extremely Humorous and Cleverly written..something that does not surprise me!...I needed a good laugh to cap what has been an amazing 'meeting of the minds' and some HELL !...off track manoeuvring .with Turtle showing us a good time! :Y:
An Excellent account of your adventure Ken!..captivating...taking us ...along on a journey that no... 'Navman' owner has ever been on! ] ] ] ...haha!...well done mate!...your a natural communicator..Terminator!...low and dark!

Yes mate i hafe been working on the settings most of the day so i will see what happens next time ] ] :lol: :lol:
And yes the tom tom is back in the turtle where it will stay from now on

Mate, none of them are perfect. I run a 10" tablet as my GPS and have about 6 different proggies installed for when I can't put up with the stupidity of one I go and try another one. Now I do also have two Tomtoms, one for the scooter and the other one is floating around the car somewhere.

I recall several years ago in Brisbane I was listening to lady in the box and she said "Stay hard right", so I crossed over a painted median strip to get hard right like I was told, I was on the crest of a hill and couldn't see over the hill to see where road went. As I was doing my crossing thing I saw the highway patrol car and thought to myself "Surely they have to pull me over, coz I know I would If I were them". As soon as the light went green I started off and sure enough the red and blues started blinking, so I pulled over and two of the nicest coppers asked why I did what I did, as I started to explain about the bitch in the box the both started laughing. No fines were issued and we stood around for about half an hour chewing the fat. ......And after all that the median strip merged back into the same road that I had diverted from ......WTF??? ... Crazy Qld.roads

Sounds very common for the stupid things ] :lol: :lol:

Purchased a new TOm TOm and they contacted me to ask how I found it ..................... probably were not amused that I told them three days later I brought a hard copy of the Melways. Have been guilty of littering the highway with one They tend to get you to that stage when you have done about 5 u turns with a 25ft trailer on behind

Marksman re the trip ................... not as eloquently put as yourself but started out with a speeding ticket for 5 k over 200K into the trip .................... yes a maniac I am. Then ripped a tyre on the quad at Clermont. Further north ripped another tyre on quad and had to get a couple sent in from the coast. Full bottle of Ouzo drops out of trailer and lands on it's side on the only rock in sight ................ complete loss. Hat blows off and chin strap hooks 18K gold and diamond stud that had custom made in Switzerland 30 odd year ago .......... gone despite hours of looking. Then found out that detector was just a bit wider than quad as passed between two trees ............... so then had two detectors or parts there of Then on way home ripped a tyre down to the rim on camper was directed to a "good" tyre dealer in Charters Towers who would look after me by the local minelab man only to pay $80 more than could have purchased at any other Bridgestone dealer :N: So ended up home with a tyre bill nearly a K and less gold than when I left Funny part is ...................... still had a ball

Bogger i feel for you mate hard to hear about the stud that would have hurt a lot both coming out and not being able to find it
two full detectors would be good however 2 halves would have made me cry
tyres are my big concern when i head bush as they can be so expensive
we have got to laugh at ourselves or we would go mad and give up all together

m
mates I feel fer yz...Ithink we've all been in similar situations at some time.Right now though, my little 'VAN-DEMON has ticked quite a few boxes of what was a 'use and see' excercise to establish setup for the plumbing etc..a bit'o joinery n' kitchen 'thingo' ...this little devil has huge potential It's just a case of what works best and simplest...plenty of refining the running systems.lights,fridge etc..charging system is working well...so all in all everything went pretty smooth!

Oh mate...I've had a couple experiences on trips myself! I packed all the beer and if hot outback, it sure tastes good.

HOT BEER!...They drink it warm in Brittain I was told...mate so what..no fridge or?

Reminds me of what I did when I was about 12. My uncle used to store Southwark longnecks in his shed.
Stupid me drank one of them but that was on a rather hot day. Didnt like beer for about 8 years after that.

That beer was made with water from the swamp they now call the Torrens. It was dreadful!!!!

I took beer to primary school didnt really understand the concept so i poored it into my plastic drink bottle that had rasberry cordial in it the day before so i wasnt takin a beer bottle to school , 30 degree day plastic ,VB cracked the night before :lol: :lol: :lol: talk about rocket feul :lol:

A mate of mine when we were at school in early teenaga years decided to make some wine out of crushed grapes. Crushed juce was filtered and put in a bottle for 2 weeks then he put some of his Dad's brandy in it. He called it Indian fire water. It tasted like s% .

Yes here comes another story from Saturday
About 6 months ago my partner and I got tickets to the John Williamson concert in Thirrroul.
yes a good night out coming up Starts at 20:00 so I can still hit the river first (wanna bet?)
Insight for the rest of the story My partner is carless at the moment so she is using my Statesman (as I dont use it) so she has all the keys for it including the club lock key (remember that one) when I use it I just take the car key off and put it on my keys lol yea right lol
My partner woke up Friday with a slightly swollen upper lip mmmm ok not all that bad maybe a bite or something like that
We (She) decided that I would not go out panning on Saturday so that we could go up early and do some shopping prior to going to the concert that started at 20:00hr mmmmm ok not happy but I was allowed to go out Sunday instead ok like that idea have a wonder around the shops so she could get some clothes (I Hate shopping)
She arrived at my place around 12:20 and her lip looked like she had a trunk for a top lip
dont laugh, dont smile just had to keep my big mouth SHUT
yes right like that is going to happen how could I miss a chance like this I couldnt help myself all the jokes started coming out
oh come on guys and girls I am only human
Arrived in Wollongong at 13:40 the trip was a little frostie but 200m from the shopping centre she says I dont want to go shopping - I cant with my lip like this being diplomatic I say thats ok baby I dont mind (pissed off scale went well into the red) so just smiled and said we would drive onto Thirroul where the concert was due to start in 7 HOURS TIME.
We dropped into a chemist on the way in Woonoona to see if we could get something to treat the giant top lip.
She woudnt come in so I had to describe to the pharmacist what the problem was. (Like that would happen) I rang her on her phone and let the Pharmacist talk to her
He suggested Phenergan - an antihistamine to bring down the swelling, which he thought may be caused by an allergic reaction - but warned that it causes drowsiness. She took one tablet and it wasnt that long before the drowsiness set in. (yes way to go)
We decided that we would park in the carpark at the beach and have a snooze in the car (you have got to be kidding me) beautiful beach 50m in front and Khaleesi is in the turtle at home (not happy Jan)
Ok so we decide to go for a walk and find somewhere for dinner in 5 hours time (and coffee)
Got the club lock out and put it on the steering wheel oh have you got the key for this in your bag as I have only got the ignition key no it is at your place on the table (richter scale just blew a fuse)
Here I am sitting looking at this thing on the steering wheel (its a pretty pink one)and thinking it would be a 3 hour round trip by train to go home and get the key
I know I will break it off
Well the words that were said I will clean them up to put on here dont be so stupid you silly man how will you do that told you I would clean it up (dont want to end up in the naughty corner)
Ok so I get into position and getting ready to break my knee I mean club lock and you would not believe what happened next
The lock popped out and the steering lock fell off the wheel WTF just happened sitting there looking in disbelief at what just happened (but very relieved) I hadnt locked it properly in the first place!
All in all it was a good night and we are glad that we went apart from me having to strategically position myself when we go into the theatre and during the interval (so as to avoid people seeing The Lip
12 hours after we left - we were home again and peacefully snoring.